Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Is Shelter Necessary for Creativity?

I feel that in Pittsburgh, the space to curl up on the couch and watch the afternoon light creep all afternoon across the stone face of the church across the street. To notice the cragginess of twigs against sky. To let my mind move forward and back in time, imagining possibilities: what if I could devote some time to making over the yard organic? What if I could be here to watch the leaf-mulch sink into the earth and produce new grass seedlings? What if I could replace my mother’s plastic herb pots with solid terracotta ones and line them up neatly on the window sill? Or trim the ivy residue off the back porch? Garden planning. Adding a bookshelf. Marination. Little life-building adjustments that require time inside, not just dashing in & out in fear of symptoms. Sloppy flat words can develop into artful emotional ones. AThe world outside can be observed, sifted, brought in. All the details we can love when we are healthy. Yardwork. Yellow leaves floating in the sun. A lost broom. A found rake. It’s endless. There’s startlingly little depression here. Energy flags and reawakens. I am not always disappointed in myself, running out of steam, angry, irritable, strained. A psychological or creative wall can be hit and recovered from. Its value integrated into what's next. New questions asked, synthesized. Is the blog ready for Freud?

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